When something bad happens, it's O.K. to allow yourself time to process the event and find out what it really means to you.
That can take time, so you shouldn't feel bad about feeling sad.
Trying to minimize or ignore an event won't make it go away -- and it might make it come out in unexpected ways later.
Allowing your friends and family to be supportive will help. Even if they can't understand 100% of what you're feeling, you might find that just knowing about their concern helps.
If you're head is cloudy because you're overwhelmed with grieving, you might not make the best decisions.
Put some distance between a negative event and a big choice.
It's O.K. to sleep a little more, or be a little a selfish with your time when you're going through something difficult.
People will understand if you're out of the loop for a while, and they'll be thrilled to see you back when you're ready.
It's a cliche to say that time heals all wounds, but you will feel better over time.
But even if you feel like yourself again, you'll probably never forget what happened. And that's O.K. too -- loss is a part of life -- but you will get through it.
Markos Ayele: His personality was just one of a kind. That was the main guy I laughed with. That’s one thing I wish I could have one more of, just one more laugh.
Adriana: AJ Boik’s signature laugh, smile, and spirit are how best friends like Markos Ayele remember him.
Markos: I remember at graduation, actually, he came up and gave me a big hug and he just kind of like jumped on me and stayed there for a while and he finally got off and it was just – he was just that type of person. He was just so spontaneous.
Adriana: Both just finished high school. Both were in the Century 16 movie theater to see Batman on July 20th. But AJ was in the midnight viewing. Markos was in the 12:10.
Markos: The alarm started going off and they said there was an emergency in the building.
“All available units respond to the theater.”
Markos: Then I found some classmates outside. They explained to me everything that happened. My friend Alejandra got shot. And then Tori was walking around asking like, ‘Have you seen AJ? Have you seen AJ?’ I was like, ‘No, why? What happened?’
“They say there are just hundreds of people running around.”
Adriana: Markos didn’t know AJ was at the theater that night. After not sleeping, Markos and friends kept looking for AJ the next day.
Markos: I still tried to have hope that he was still alive, and then I figured out probably around 8 o’clock…dead.
Adriana: How did you find out?
Markos: This girl, Genny, was actually updating everyone on the status of AJ and then she posted on Facebook. But Alejandra, the one that actually got shot, she gave me a call and told me it was true and I just, like, broke down. Just bawling my eyes out. It was tough.
Adriana: To help deal with the pain, friends, family members, and even complete strangers are coming to this memorial just across the street from the Century 16 movie theater to remember AJ and the eleven others who died and leave a piece of themselves to help the community heal.
Flowers and gifts nearly cover the twelve crosses that represent each of those who died. At AJ’s cross, someone left a baseball cap to honor the former high school catcher.
“Thank you for being here.”
Adriana: At his funeral, AJ’s uncle says his nephew always had a way to make people laugh.
“Smiling is what I will always remember about AJ. That smile that told you he’s thinking of something.”
Adriana: If there was a way for you to speak to AJ, what would you tell him about how you’re going to live your life going forward?
Markos: I would just tell him, like, ‘Thank you. Thank you for me being able to enjoy life, as I did with you.’ And I’m just trying to keep on smiling, just keep on laughing and just keep being myself. That’s all he was, and keep doing that, because he brought that out in me and in everybody.”
Adriana: Adriana Diaz for Channel One News.
- What effect do you think AJ’s death will have on how Markos lives his life?