Updated: March 19, 2009

You have a giant thumb, I see you like to text,
But I text a lot too, so I might be next,

I might confess I once drove and texted,
But some teens want to make that so I'd get arrested,

"License, registration, step out of the car,
Are you carrying a cell phone? I know a lot of you are,"

The world has 99 problems, man I'm telling you son,
And the HIV rate in DC is one,

At least Obama will try to make my food more safe,
But if I don't have a job, nobody's feeding me grapes,

Can I please get a few million dollar bonus?
No, that's only if I worked at that AIG,

Hey isn't that the same company that came to me,
Saying "give me billions and you'll be saving me,"

Some people got so mad y'all,
For us to pay bonuses to dudes they say did a bad job,

So the AIG CEO
Got grilled like George Foreman in the capitol,

But you know what looks so cool?
When an underground volcano goes BOOM,

Don't close your eyes y'all or you can't see,
Obama's big pick for March? That'd be UNC,

And they found a secret message in Lincoln's watch,
Is the meaning of life? Well, I'm thinking not,

"Thank God we have a government" yeah but hold up,
In Madagascar a new dude is taking over,

In Pakistan, so many people took to the streets,
They got a judge that they love put back in his seat,

In Stewart vs. Cramer, not sure who to believe,
Newspapers going under like SCUBA Steve,

Fine, we agree to keep bringing the news,
Week in Rap, don't freak, we'll be seeing you soon,

That's a promise?